Parental Wisdom

Some wisdom for parents out there, courtesy of my brother-in-law.

Losing

With 2 kids in football and 2 kids in soccer, we've been to lots of games this fall.  And for whatever reason, the teams- all of them- have lost.  A lot!  Even in the games where score isn't 'kept', anyone with half a mind could still 'tell' the outcome (and while score may not officially be kept, everyone- kids, parents, coaches- IS keeping score!).  Winning is fun.  Losing is not fun.  Typing those words seems almost too simplistic, and yet they are true.  As much as we try to de-emphasize winning and making sure everyone has fun, the truth is, most people have more fun when they are winning (even my notoriously non-competitive wife has the rule that we can't stop playing Uno until she wins a hand!).

That being said, there are some benefits to losing:

• Losses reveal areas of improvement- no team wins every game, and when a team loses a game, it shows you where you need to make improvements.  If you never had the feedback of a loss, you might be tempted to never improve.
• Losses reveal your darksides- maybe it's just my darksides(!), but when I am losing, I begin to question the other team's motives, I argue with officials, I challenge calls.  I am much less likely to do these things when I am winning, so when I am losing, I come face to face with the less-desirable parts of my personality.
•  Losses make you appreciate the wins- doesn't matter if youth sports, professional sports, grades in school, elections, whatever the contest- when you've lost at it, it makes you appreciate the wins all the more.

Safe Families as an Alternative to Foster Care

Next month, Hillcrest is going to be exploring the feasibility of starting a Safe Families ministry- a couple of other churches have already started one and with good results.  You can learn more about Safe Families by clicking on this link but essentially, Safe Families looks to provide short term housing to children of under-resourced families.  These are children who don't need foster care (i.e. their parents aren't in prison, the children haven't been abused, etc) but who would otherwise end up in foster care without a Safe Family.  Perhaps a parent is jobless and now homeless or a parent might be entering treatment- situations where temporarily staying with a Safe Family is preferable to the wheels of the foster care system.

I am not sure what this will look like at Hillcrest but it is an interesting ministry concept.

An Opportunity for Churches

Since a local TV station ran a story on Hillcrest and our focus on adoptions, we've received several calls and inquiries as to whether our program is available for people outside of our church.  Sadly, we've explained that our program is currently for Hillcresters (and to this point, we've had no shortage of Hillcrest families needing assistance).

The stories we hear, though, are very real and often times painful.  Families who can not have kids starting an international adoption.  Families who can not have kids after trying everything looking at domestic adoption.  Families who have everything lined up and simply need some assistance with the legal paperwork of an adoption.

If there's one thing we've learned about adoptions, it is that they are expensive.  This post isn't to debate why they are so expensive, only to highlight that they are.  Families struggle the most with the costs associated with the adoption process, and those high costs present an amazing opportunity for churches looking to 'defend the cause of the orphan'.

When To End a Mentoring Relationship

This is the first school year in several years that I haven't been in a school-based mentoring relationship.

And it was I who decided not to mentor this year.

I have mentored two students over the past few years.  Both started at elementary school and continued to middle school.  Both, not surprisingly, began to fizzle in later middle school when we were forced to talk in the middle school library as opposed to being able to shoot hoops or play games at elementary school.  But as tough as it was, I stuck it out.  Mostly, because I was convinced the student 'needed' it.  That if I quit, I'd be just another adult who quit on the student.  And, if I am honest, I felt guilty, and my fear of failure and quitting kept me going.

But not this year.

So, why did I stop this year?  And when might you need to make a change in a mentoring relationship?

• When your 'life stage' changes- when I started mentoring, I didn't have any kids in school.  Now, all four of mine are at the same school.  My wife and I commit to volunteering an hour in their various classrooms each week.  So while I am not mentoring, I am getting to help Eyob with math and Esther with writing.  So, mentoring takes on a different form.
• When guilt is your only motivator- I understand- probably more than most- that working with kids (and especially tweens and teens) is difficult work.  The academics will tell you that while students will say to your face they don't want you (as a mentor, as a parent, as a coach, etc), that deep down inside, they do.  While that's all fine and good, if you hear that as a mentor, you begin to question the investment you're making.  Soon, guilt is the only reason you're showing up.  While there are times you need to stick it out, if guilt is the only reason you're showing up, get out.
• When there's a mismatch- look, we like to pretend that any adult can have an impact on any kid, but really, the more the kid and adult have in common, the better. 

I am sure there are other reasons to stop a mentoring relationship- what others might you add?

Where Your Kids Attend School

Interesting take on the topic here.

Bonus- my high school tennis doubles partner sends his daughters to the same school.

When a Gift is not a Gift

Interesting insight from Seth Godin on gift cards . . . if you can call them that!