This past Sunday I spoke on marriage to open our 'Relational Evolution' series for the month of May. I closed the message by sharing with Hillcresters some practical advice from Hillcrest couples that have been married 20, 30, and even 40+ years! Here's the advice that we heard on Sunday (I organized the advice under some categories):
Take your vows seriously
Married 40 years- When we first married everything changed for me, and I hadn’t realized it but I must have thrown the divorce word around a lot during arguments. Finally my spouse told me that divorce was out of the question and we would not be talking about that again. For such a simple statement it really helped. It made me know we were both committed to the marriage without a “get out of marriage” clause.
Married 39 years- Commit early in your marriage to never use the word divorce or "leaving you" even and especially in the heat of an argument.
Married 30 years- I think #1 is making the intentional decision before the wedding, that divorce will never be an option, no matter what.
Married 23 years- . Affair proof your marriage early on, create boundaries for relationships with the opposite sex. Limit your activity, involvement and attention with friends of the opposite sex.
Complement one another
Married 36 years- Compliments never get old either. Many time's I've been told that a particular dish that was cooked is "really good". Small, discreet compliments are fantastic!! I don't think any of us shy away from being told that something we are wearing "looks good". Or that the way we handled a particular situation was great, etc.
Married 38 years- Always make your spouse look good in front of other people--brag about them, compliment them, etc.
Make time for one another
Married 38 years- Share in their interests even if you are not the least bit interested.
Married 23 years- . Have a hobby that you both enjoy and develop together over years, studying the Bible, reading, biking, golf, antique shopping or cooking for example; keep dating without the children; make time to have a relationship without the children around
Married 25 years- One of the very practical things that we started a few years ago was that we have a lunch date once a week. We always go to the same place because it is about half way between both of our work places. My spouse has a set lunch time which is 1:00 - 2:00 so our lunch date is 1:00 on Wednesdays! Through the years of having children still at home and the busyness of their sports schedules and our own busy work lives, it has been a great pick-me-up in the week. It allows us time to talk as husband and wife, but most of all as friends. It is only an hour but IT IS an hour!
Married 29 years- My advice is to go for daily walks; it is a good chance to talk about your day and get exercise at the same time.
Communication
Married 27 years- Don’t say everything you think (some things are best unsaid) and be the first to say you are sorry.
Married 36 years- One thing that I feel is important is the gift of listening. How often do we give our full attention to our spouse and listen to what they are telling us or saying to us. A lot of times we "hear" them but don't give them our full attention.
Show love to your spouse
Married 47 years- It is the responsibility of the husband to keep the marriage alive. Kiss and hug her every day and bring flowers at least one a month
Married 32 years- Do something nice for your spouse on a regular basis. Doesn't have to be expensive. Like making popcorn every night. Just a little tradition that says u care.
Sacrifice for your spouse
Married 39 years- - Recognize and be prepared for there to be "seasons" in your relationship, where your spouse’s needs and development or your needs and development will require a sacrifice on your part and commit to fulfilling each other’s need for love and support.
Married 32 years- For me the biggest thing that has kept our marriage together is service to one another. In 1980 God had a different plan for my spouse and after a lot of prayer we left our dream home and life to follow that plan. This meant that I would have to go back to work after having been a stay at home mom to our 3 young children and leaving our 4 bedroom home and moving to a 2 bedroom apt. And I had to sell my skis! Because obviously we would never have enough money to pay for skiing ever again in the near future and storage was an issue. But as I remember it, I did it because I loved my spouse and I loved God and it was out of service to both that I surrendered to the mission of being a loving spouse.
