Thursday, October 25, 2012

If you have 20 minutes . . .

 . . . then you should check out this video (scroll down to get the video).

My favorite point (and one I use whenever I'm in the classroom) is open book, open note, all the time.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Communication Styles

When I was a youth pastor, I used to believe if I had communicated something in one format, I was good to go.  For youth ministry, my preferred format was the calendar.  If there was ever any question or doubt about something related to the youth ministry, I'd (arrogantly and smugly, mind you) play my trump card: "it's on the calendar".  Thinking my trump card would win the dispute, I now realize I actually lost every time I said those words, because when it comes to communication, it doesn't matter where I've put the information if the intended recipient isn't getting the information.

Really, you can replace "calendar" with any number or church communication tools such as "bulletin", "email", or "announcement", but if you have to use the words "it's in/on the ______", you've already lost. 

Communication is similar to learning- just as there are different learning styles, there are different communication styles.  Each of us has a preference on how we send and receive communication.  Some live by email while others prefer text messages.  Some tweet while others use Facebook.  Some still want to get something in the mail while others prefer you pick up a phone.  The key to effective communication is figuring out how your recipients prefer to receive their communication and then doing it. 

The challenge, obviously, is that your recipients probably have different styles. 

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Why is the other coach mad?

"Why is the other coach mad?"

I wish those words were said by someone on the team I was coaching about the other coach.

But they weren't.

They were said about me.  From a kid on the other team, asking their coach why I was upset.

I didn't think it'd happen, but for a moment on the soccer fields last Saturday, I was that parent/coach, chewing out (or what I prefer to call "real-time coaching") my child for not doing what I had asked them to do.  Nevermind the other players weren't really listening either.  After what seemed like the gazillionth time I had told my child to 'not watch the ball' (and instead 'go after the ball', 'stop the ball', and a kagillion other variations of that sage advice), I must've looked a little upset.

And truth is, I was upset.  I was upset that we were getting our tails kicked (not keeping score in youth sports is one of the biggest farces ever.  Everyone can say we can say we're not keeping score, and yet every kid, parent, and coach is mentally keeping score.  I have yet to meet one who doesn't). 

I was upset that my child wasn't listening. 

I was upset because this simple advice really could help the team.

And later on I was upset that I wrapped my own ego- my parenting ego, my coaching ego, my athletic ego- basically a lot of who I think I am- into this game- and when things didn't go well, I got upset. 

Geesh.  Guess I still have a long ways to go  . . .

Friday, October 12, 2012

What Was I Thinking?!

As a new youth pastor, fresh out of seminary and with a master's degree with an an emphasis in youth ministry, I actually believed I was qualified to give parents advice on how to parent teens.  Seriously.  I thought since I had read a couple books, took a couple classes, and hung out with teens at youth group, camps, and mission trips, I was somehow qualified to dispense advice to adults on how to best parent their teens.  I would actually hold parent meetings, forums, and classes where I'd talk about a topic on how to better parent teens.  Even though I'd never parented a teen in my life (and honestly, I handed out some of this advice before even being a parent myself!).

Seriously, what was I thinking?!

The Hillcrest families who had to sit under that advice were so gracious.  They smiled.  Some took notes.  Some implemented what we discussed.  But the older my kids get, the more I realize I had no business telling other people how to parent, and certainly not parents with teens!

There are things in life where you don't need to experience something to know about it (for instance, I don't have to use illegal drugs to know they're bad for me.  I can 'get' that concept without the experience).  And there are things in life where you absolutely need experience before you can even comment on it.  I think parenting falls into this category.  It's tough to give advice on this area if you've never done it. 

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Blue Like Jazz

I read the book several years ago- excellent.

And a couple evenings ago, T and I rented the movie from the Redbox.  It had been awhile since I read the book, so I couldn't remember all the details, but this movie certainly isn't a 'Christian' movie in the way that Courageous and Fireproof are 'Christian' movies.  In fact, folks who really like those movies might not like this movie (see the Plugged In review here).  It has swearing.  It has drug use.  It has other uncomfortable topics.  It is rated PG-13 and for good reason. 

And yet, I think it is a movie worth watching for the thoughts and discussion alone (though if you rarely watch PG-13 or higher movies, then you're going to want to read the above review before renting- there's my disclaimer!). 

The movie is based on the book which is based on the author's life.  Don grows up in a Southern Baptist family in Texas with his mom and is all set to go to a Christian college when his life is thrown a significant wrench.  Everything he's ever known- trust in his mom, faith in his church- is thrown into a complete tailspin, causing his to withdraw from the Christian college and instead enroll in Reed College, one of the country's most 'liberal' schools located in Portland.  When he arrives there he hides his Christian faith and upbringing and 'experiences' all Reed has to offer (thus the PG-13 rating!).  And through those experiences and relationships, Don re-engages his faith, albeit in a way different then his growing up years.  The movie raises several questions and/or themes worth considering:
  • What do we as Christians do with the pain our religion has caused other people?  Both in the past and today?  What things might we need to seek forgiveness for?
  • Many Christians use the phrase 'love the sinner, but hate the sin'- what does that actually look like? 
  • How are we doing on sharing the gospel through both words and deeds?
  • Are we ashamed of being a Christian?  Are we ashamed of Jesus?  Why?

Monday, October 8, 2012

Being New

I don't like the feeling of being new.  Our family joined a different gym the other day and my first day going there to workout felt like I was going to my new high school for the first time.  I didn't know where anything was and I didn't know any of this gym's culture or unwritten rules such as
  • Do I have to sign up for a machine? 
  • Does someone always use this machine at the same time (I actually heard someone say to another member that a certain machine was his machine.  For real?!)
  • Do I wipe down my machine after I'm done using it or does someone else? 
  • Can I use the towels that are so neatly folded or does that cost extra?
It was weird and a bit uncomfortable.  And while it's been some time since I've felt new at church, I'm sure my gym experience is similar to those who come to a church for the first time- weird and a bit uncomfortable- because they too don't know the culutre or our unwritten rules such as a certain family always sits in these seats, that we always start worship by shaking hands and then singing, and that of course you can bring coffee into the worship center!

It's really not that tricky to tell who's new to church.  While one of the reasons we (myself included) give for not reaching out to folks at church is because we don't want to offend them by introducing ourselves to them for a second (or a third, or a fourth) time, there's some pretty easy signs to tell if someone is new:
  • When they arrive at church, they have a bit of a 'deer in the headlights' look.  They come through the door and then stop and look around.  Why?  Because they don't know where anything is!  If you see this, say "hi!", "welcome", or "may I help you find something?".  I had this look last week at the gym!
  • They either arrive really early or really late to service.  Your usual members and attenders come at the same time, but those who are new either come really early (like 15-20 minutes before service) or really late (like 15-20 minutes after service).  Be available during these times to welcome guests. 
  • They ask questions.  Where is your bathroom?  Where is your nursery?  Where is your children's Sunday School?  If they're new, they don't know these answers, so answer their questions and show (rather than pointing) them where things are located.  Of course, good signage helps with this (and helped me at the gym), but nothing replaces a person who's willing to help you out.
How else can you tell if people are new?  And what else can we do to help people feel welcomed at their 'new' church? 

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

! High Importance

If everything is important, then nothing is important.

If every email you send has a ! by it, then the ! loses its power.