And it was I who decided not to mentor this year.
I have mentored two students over the past few years. Both started at elementary school and continued to middle school. Both, not surprisingly, began to fizzle in later middle school when we were forced to talk in the middle school library as opposed to being able to shoot hoops or play games at elementary school. But as tough as it was, I stuck it out. Mostly, because I was convinced the student 'needed' it. That if I quit, I'd be just another adult who quit on the student. And, if I am honest, I felt guilty, and my fear of failure and quitting kept me going.
But not this year.
So, why did I stop this year? And when might you need to make a change in a mentoring relationship?
- When your 'life stage' changes- when I started mentoring, I didn't have any kids in school. Now, all four of mine are at the same school. My wife and I commit to volunteering an hour in their various classrooms each week. So while I am not mentoring, I am getting to help Eyob with math and Esther with writing. So, mentoring takes on a different form.
- When guilt is your only motivator- I understand- probably more than most- that working with kids (and especially tweens and teens) is difficult work. The academics will tell you that while students will say to your face they don't want you (as a mentor, as a parent, as a coach, etc), that deep down inside, they do. While that's all fine and good, if you hear that as a mentor, you begin to question the investment you're making. Soon, guilt is the only reason you're showing up. While there are times you need to stick it out, if guilt is the only reason you're showing up, get out.
- When there's a mismatch- look, we like to pretend that any adult can have an impact on any kid, but really, the more the kid and adult have in common, the better.
I am sure there are other reasons to stop a mentoring relationship- what others might you add?
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