Should Leaders Be Liked?

A long time ago, one of my friends was applying for a teaching position in a secondary school.  One of the principals asked my friend how important it was to him that he be liked by his students.  The way my friend told it, he could tell the 'right' answer was to say 'not very important' and thus demonstrate his ability to educate students, make decisions, and manage classrooms in an environment where you will likely not be liked.

My friend, though, gave the contrarian answer of saying being liked was very important, because if the students like you, you're more likely to help them achieve their educational goals then if they do not like you.

Much of the leadership material out there- and especially the spiritual leadership stuff- takes the first approach.  Leadership, by definition, means making decisions that will not always be liked or popular so you might as well face it and deal with it.  And by and large, that is still true.

Yet I think sometimes leaders can act in ways where they forget that it can be ok to be liked, to have friends, to enjoy the people you are leading and working with.  That doesn't mean there will be times where you might make unpopular decisions or perhaps have different perspectives then folks on a decision or an issue.  But it also doesn't mean leaders should carry themselves as if people's opinions do not matter or as if they are immune to being liked by folks.

Doing that will guarantee not being liked and making leadership more difficult.